


I've Still Got the Dreams

by doghairsweaters



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Past Character Death, richie buries all his feelings, the yearn!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doghairsweaters/pseuds/doghairsweaters
Summary: Every night since Derry, Richie has dreamt about what he left behind.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	I've Still Got the Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> this is my obligatory "dipping my feet in the water to figure out characterization" drabble before i dive into writing bigger things.... i hope it comes out nice ♡
> 
> prompted by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/marsupialqueen/status/1312866658759958528). thanks for the inspiration, jess :3c

All of Richie’s dreams after Derry were the same.

Or he called them dreams, but anybody else he described them to corrected him with, “That sounds more like a nightmare.” Richie would only ever shrug his shoulders. Perhaps they were nightmares. He didn’t particularly care. The only thing he needed to know was that it all ended whenever he opened his eyes.

Nonetheless, all of Richie’s nightmares after Derry were the same.

They always started in the cistern. Right before he got caught in the Deadlights. The night was still somewhat of a blur to him, even in these constructions of his mind. His voice seemed to echo off of the insides of his skull the same way they echoed off of the stone structure around them, and he couldn’t understand a word that came out of his own mouth. He had been about to say something, and then it all went blank. Just for a moment. Then it was like seeing everything all at once. The beginning and the end. The big bang but then also the inevitable heat death of the universe. What he saw included the vision of what would eventually come to pass — Eddie, his love, impaled upon one of Pennywise’s talon-like limbs — as well as visions that did not — the rest of them suffering similar (or worse) fates, picked off one-by-one and displayed in grisly fashion like a blockbuster horror film — but could have.

It was the could haves that lingered in the back of his mind after he woke up. The rest instantly forgotten (if one’s definition of “forgotten” happened to be “deeply repressed trauma”). Because as much as he saw everyone’s demise, he also saw everyone’s escape. Even the ones that didn’t.

In the nightmares, just as it happened in Derry, Richie would snap back to Eddie’s cheers of “I think I got It!” with shock painted all over his face. In the nightmares, however, this shock wasn’t borne of pure dread. This was not because he knew that actually Eddie had not ‘got It,’ a warning that attempted to manifest itself in his throat but was unable to get past his lips. But he couldn’t have said anything if he tried because in this version of events the reason he couldn’t speak wasn’t fear but rather the pressure of Eddie’s lips against his own, and it was this shock that shook him out of the grip of the Deadlights.

Some mornings, Beverly would text him and see if he was all right.

**[08:34 a.m.] bev:** Did u get thru the night ok?  
**[11:17 a.m.] Richie:** u could say that  
**[11:20 a.m.] bev:** :( ♡  
**[11:21 a.m.] Richie:** ♡  
**[11:21 a.m] bev:** let me know if u need anything

He put the phone down because how could he properly explain it? Even to Bev? If anybody could understand anything he had been through, it would have been her. But Richie couldn’t bring himself to do it. She had offered him “anything” but the things he wanted (needed) were out of reach. Sealed off by the cruel and unforgiving hand of fate. He could not ask Beverly to bring him back to the night at the cistern to the moment before it all fell apart so he could have the reality he wanted; so that he could feel Eddie’s fingers twist in his hair and the pressure of his body against him  _ just _ long enough before they made their daring escape, and Eddie became the knight in shining armor he’d never seen himself to be. She could never give that back to him, as it was never hers to give.

The thought had crossed his mind a million times to return to Derry and try to find Eddie, but he would never dare ask any of his friends to open those wounds a third time.

That’s why he made every attempt he could to bury himself in his work. He very quickly bounced back from his bombed performance the night Mike had called him and packed his schedule with anybody who would say ‘yes’ to him. As long as he filled his waking hours to the brim, and occasionally overflowed into the night, he could keep the memories at bay.

But when he closed his eyes, nothing stopped the dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!
> 
> sorry to anybody waiting for the next chapter of won't let you go like this. i promise that's on the radar but uh. we all know the world is in flames right now and im understaffed at work i am doing my best. i'm just going where the inspiration is right now. it feels _so good_ to have written something (even tiny like this) after almost a year omg.
> 
> comments & kudos are appreciated! ♡
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/doghairsweaters) | [tumblr](https://doghairsweaters.tumblr.com/)


End file.
